Monday, July 26, 2010

Professor Clemente's Rules For Marriage: by Krista @ Not Mommy of the Year

First, a word from your sponsor. I am super-excited to be on vacation! Uh, I mean, I'm thrilled to announce my very first guest blogger EVER! 

As our vacation approached I grew increasingly concerned about the state of my blog during our week away. Hubs tried to calm my fears. He said, "Just throw up a post about being on vacation for a week and sorry about their luck." *Gasp* What?! Sorry about their luck?! Uh, no. What if... OMG, what if they (my readers, you) don't come back?!!! What if they get all mad that there's nothing fun to read at A New Breed of Mom and I lose my small, but loyal, readership that I have worked so hard to build up?!

In the week that followed, I quickly learned from all my Twitter-Mommy-Friends (Thank you! Thank you!)  that there was such a thing a Guest Bloggers. And Auto-Posting. I had an epiphany! Bingo! Problem solved.

Oh, but wait. What if no one wants to guest post for me?

Well, I decided to just 'put it all out there' and write a post about needing guest bloggers. Would anyone come to my rescue?

I was AMAZED with the response I got! And, I about fell over in my chair when this awesome lady DM'd me and volunteered to guest post "if I wanted her".... IF I wanted her?! Hello? Krista? Are you there? Your blog is legendary!

So, with no further ado, I am Happy/Excited/Thrilled to present Krista, from Not Mommy of the Year!! (You can also find her on Twitter @notmommyoftheyear)

Professor Clemente's Rules For Marriage

Hey guys! I’m so happy to be here, putting my feet up on Lindsay’s corner of the internet, flipping through her magazines while she’s kicking back and enjoying her vacation. In fact I was so excited to crash her space, I mean, water her flowers while she was gone, that I didn’t give much thought to what I would write about when I volunteered.

But then she accepted and I was all, YES! For a few minutes, then I was “CRAP. What am I going to write?” Lindsay writes great posts about parenting and marriage and looking for a higher power on her blog. On mine? I mostly whine about my kid not napping, how fast she’s growing up and not being able to go happy hour.

But then I was thinking about happy hour and my carefree college days and I remembered a lecture from one of my favorite Sociology professors at Penn State (We Are… PENN STATE!) I’ve got to admit, there’s not many lectures from college that I remember. A communications major, I didn’t have to take copious, careful notes and pull all-nighters prepping for an exam. There were no four hour labs with glass beakers and foaming liquid. No, instead, I just had to be able to put pen to paper and write. (Perhaps, I should have paid a bit more attention.)

Anyway, back to this particular lecture. This particular day I sat in the Forum, with my feet propped up on the chair in front of me, my notebook out, prepared to take notes, doodle or make a to-do list. But when Professor Clemente started talking about his rules for marriage, my interest peaked. I wrote down every word on the transparency (Damn, I’m so old we used transparencies, sharpies and overhead projectors when I was in college). When the semester was over, I ripped that piece of paper out of my Mead college ruled notebook and saved it with my college mementos like bottle caps, ticket stubs and photos.

When my future-husband and I met, I found that piece of paper with the 16 rules one day when I was looking through my box. I read over them and compared my new boyfriend to the list, wondered what our life would look like IF this relationship went the distance.
When we married and I was clearing out my college memory box to create a family memory box, I came across the list again. And, again, I saved it. Because this advice? Is some of the best advice I’ve ever received on marriage. Some of it hits home a little more than others. And while I certainly haven’t mastered the wife thing, actually, I’m less likely to be Wife of the Year than I am Mommy of the Year, I’ve bolded the ones that I either try to live by or that I hear in my head every once in a while.

Clemente Rules for Marriage

For Both
1. Base marriage on mutual respect – demand it.
2. Talk every day. Love is necessary, but not sufficient.
3. Don’t let TV become your third partner.
4. Eat together as a family.
5. The most fascinating aspect of marriage is not that adults can produce children, but that children can produce adults.

For Her
1. Don’t marry a guy who won’t talk.
2. Don’t try to change a jerk.
3. Don’t compare him to your dad.
4. Don’t play the “little woman.”
5. Work hard to find a good father for your children.

For Him
1. Reduce looking at women as sex objects.
2. Don’t compare her to your mom.
3. If you drink, don’t marry a girl who doesn’t.
4. Don’t play macho man with your wife.
5. Don’t let your wife monopolize child rearing.
6. Never let her go.

I love these and can’t tell you how many times I think back to that lecture hall in November 2001 and hear the voice of a wise professor and remember the young girl who thought they all sounded so simple. Two years into a marriage, I know it’s not as simple as it sounds, but I’m working on it.

What do you think? Are there any points up there that you passionately agree with or vehemently hate? What’s the best marriage advice you’ve received?


Natalia Simmons said...

I like these rules! My favorites are: 2. Talk every day. Love is necessary, but not sufficient. Love takes hard work to maintain and every fight you an either work through it and get closer or grow apart. Then #5. The most fascinating aspect of marriage is not that adults can produce children, but that children can produce adults. Sometimes I feel like a kids raising kids. I don't know what I am doing! But each day you grow and learn more and the love you have for your kids helps you grow up! Thanks for the post, LOVE reading your stuff!

Anonymous said...

What a great post and what a very wise man! We've now been married for 13 years and I'm happy to report that we follow most of his rules most of the time (occasionally TV does become our 3rd partner) and it works.

Keeping real lines of communication open is the best advise I ever received - along with don't go to bed angry. But, I like this list even more.

Thanks for the post.

Raising Madison said...

I love that list. I don't know that I necessarily got one piece of advice that sticks out but one of the things that sticks out most is trying to always make them feel special. It doesn't have to be grand gestures, but instead of wanting them to make you feel {special, beautiful, amazing} make THEM feel that way.

It totally makes sense, you could complain about what they don't do or treat them the way you want to be treated and watch how it all comes back.

I just wish I could always follow that advice.

KLZ said...

The TV things makes me feel guilty. We commute to work together and at the end of the day, sometimes, I am just out of things to say to him. Well, things that are not a list of to-dos. And wouldn't that be a worse way to fall asleep?

Wouldn't it??? Right???

New Breed Mama said...


Thanks for sharing these rules! Good advice with a splash of humor! You are welcome at A New Breed of Mom anytime!

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