Valentine's Day Mushy Gushyness

My husband picked out the sweetest Valentine's Day card for me (that was actually a birthday card but he liked the poem so much he got it anyways!) and I love it so much I had to share!

For My Beautiful Wife

You still look great in blue jeans, your kiss still drives me wild.

I have been in love with you from the moment that you smiled.

I'm rough around the edges (I know you know that's true!), 

but I'm a better man and that's all because of you.

You gave my heart a home, your love has changed my life.

You're everything I wanted. My friend, my love, my wife.

Seriously, I love it! I even brought it to work with me so I could read it again throughout the day. I know, it's kinda corny, but I love getting sweet cards and my husband knows it. What special things does your significant other do for you on Valentine's Day?

Marriage is a Partnership: Addressing a Distorted Marital Practice

Yesterday I read a very disturbing blog written by a married couple who practiced something referred to as "domestic discipline". This blog apparently went viral and is now a private blog.  For many reasons, I have not returned to the blog to verify that it is no longer a public blog, nor will I post the link to that blog from A New Breed of Mom. However, I do feel compelled to write a response to such a disturbing marital practice as well as explain my opinions of how a healthy marital relationship looks.

The concept referred to as "domestic discipline," basically consists of the wife being subservient to the husband and the husband having permission to "punish" he wife by spanking her like a child, put her in the corner, ground her, etc. like she was a child. The "spanking" is really domestic violence - the husband beating the wife until her backside was black and blue. It's a disgusting practice, which only tries to glorify domestic violence. What is even more disturbing was that when I Googled "domestic discipline" one of the first sites that came up was a Christian Domestic Discipline site.

Obviously, for anyone who is Christian, beating your wife is NOT a Christian practice. Beating your wife is called domestic violence. Domestic Violence (in my own definition, click link to see Wikipedia definition) is abusive behavior towards one's spouse, significant other, or family member who resides in the same home. Domestic violence includes physical aggression, extreme verbal aggression, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, and controlling behavior. In a DV relationship there is a predictable cycle of violence. There are also a variety of different types of domestic violence. On average, it takes a DV victim seven attempts before they successfully leave the relationships. Relationships involving abuse of any kind are NOT healthy, and despite what the abusive partner may say, they are not the norm.

A healthy marital relationship is a partnership in which two consenting adults vow to love and cherish each other til death do they part. The husband and wife are a team. They take care of each other. They discuss big decisions with each other and do not make a final decision until they are both in agreement. They compromise. If something is very important to one spouse, the other spouse may give in or let that spouse have his or her way. This kind of give-and-take goes both ways in a marital relationship. The married couple asks as one solidified unit, not two individuals fighting against each other. At the heart of healthy marriages is a deep, underlying friendship.

Through a marital partnership the couple relationship becomes central to the family unit - whether that family unit is a nuclear family or a stepfamily. In a two parent family, the couple is the heart of the family and makes decisions that affect the well being of everyone involved. I know that not all marriages last forever. I know that not all families are two parent families. Families come in many shapes and sizes. However, if you are married it is important to strive to make your marriage work. It is important to work towards a marital partnership. The couple's relationship is the most significant relationship model their children will experience. Let's teach our children that marriage is a partnership based upon friendship. Let's teach them that marriage is a 'safe' relationship based on mutual respect. Let's teach them how to handle conflict in a healthy manner.

I love comments. I know this could be a heated topic for some people, but I would love to know what you think are the most important ingredients in a healthy marriage?

Resources: 
Signs of Abuse and Abusive Relationships 
The National Domestic Violence Hotline
For Your Marriage

Dear John: Our Wedding Day

Part III: Our Wedding Day

Read Part I Here

Read Part II Here

Dear John,

One year ago today we said, "I do." In front of God, our family, and our friends we promised to love each other for the rest of our lives - 'till death do us part. That is a promise I hold near and dear to my heart. That is a promise I intend to keep.

Our wedding day was like a dream. We didn't see each other until I was walking down the isle to marry you. After spending hours on hair and make-up, I took one look at you standing at the alter and burst into tears of joy. My grandpa cried as he walked me down the isle. I was so overcome with emotion, I could barely say my vows.

The ceremony was very short for a Catholic Wedding. Father John zipped right through the mass. Father was so efficient, in fact, that we had to wait on the limo. Our guests headed off towards the reception and there the wedding party sat, at the church, waiting on the limo.

Our reception was perfect. Everything had been planned out right to the last little detail. There were no problems that arose, proving once and for all that I was not "Bridezilla". The toasts were just the right mixture of heart felt words and humor. Do you remember how red I got when my mom ended her toast with, "Thank God for Match.com?" We had a great DJ and a great mixture of music. Our wedding song was Shania Twain, From This Moment On. I remember that song came on the radio one day as I was driving to work and I knew that song was perfect for us. And do you remember Khegan dancing to "Move it - Move it"? He was such a ham.

Our wedding day was the most important day of my life. It was over very quickly and before we knew it we were on a plane to Jamaica. I've relived that day in my mind a thousand times. I felt like a princess. It was my special day and you were my prince. And you still are. I love you.

Always and Forever,

Lindsay

Dear John: An Overview of Our First Year

Part II: An Overview of Our First Year

Read Part I Here

Dear John,

Yay! We made it! We survived our first year of marriage! We've accomplished so much together over this last year. We make a great team. I am so happy and proud to be your wife. Here are some of the things I am most proud of accomplishing over our first year of marriage.

Over the last year we have created a family. When we met you were a single dad raising a little boy and I was a single mom raising a little boy. Our little boys were the same age. We were each living the same life, but separately. We worked. We took care of our child. Then the day came we fell in love. And now here we are, one year after our wedding day, living the same life together. Raising our boys, together.

We have made our house a home. Six months before we said "I do" we bought this house. Over the last year we have made our house a home. We have shared together, laughed together, cried together, and prayed together in this house. We have helped our boys with their homework, hosted birthday parties, shared Thanksgiving dinner, and shared our first Christmas as a married couple in this house. Our home.

We have struggled with infertility. From the day you asked me to marry you, there was nothing I wanted more than to have a child together. We both love children and love being parents. That is a common bond that helped bring us together. After our wedding we were ready to grow our family. That didn't happen. And here we are a year later. A year filled with hope and disappointment. A year filled with Clomid and emotional turmoil and shots and a fertility doctor. As our one year anniversary approaches, we are hoping this month will be "the" month. Even if it's not, we will continue on this journey together.


Today, as our first year as husband and wife comes to an end, I love you more than ever. I'm confident that our love will grow and grow over the years. I will cherish every minute.

I love you.

Your Wife

** Stay tuned for tomorrow's post, "Dear John: Our Wedding Day". **

The Dear John Letters: Pre-Wedding Preparations

Part I: Pre-Wedding Preparations

 

 Dear John,

Sunday is our one year anniversary. It will be our first of many.

This time last year I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off doing last minute wedding preparations. I was packing for our honeymoon, greeting an out of town bridesmaid, and organizing all of the miscellaneous wedding supplies into boxes labeled "church" and "reception".

Last year this date, August 20, 2009, was a Thursday. We went to the Buckeye Hall of Fame Cafe for a pre-rehearsal dinner, dinner. The service was poor and you're one buddy from South Carolina (ya know, the one that wanted to have dinner at the Buckeye Hall of Fame Cafe to begin with?), he was late. Like very late. Like he did NOT show up at the dinner at all. He was too busy with his new girlfriend who just moved back to Ohio. Remember, later that evening they came to our house? He ignored me and talked to you while his girlfriend hung all over him. Good thing my friend Maren was there to keep me calm. But, really I am glad we did go to the Buckeye Hall of Fame Cafe for that pre- rehearsal dinner, dinner - because they have since closed their doors forever.

Then, tomorrow, is the anniversary of the day of pre-wedding preparations that had me in a tizzy. Do you remember how we did not get your passport until the day before we said "I do"? Do you remember we had to call our congressman in order to get it on time? I spent August 21, 2009 at the nail salon, reception venue setting up, stopping at the bank, organizing the bridal party and parent gifts for the rehearsal dinner, picking up the groom's cake, and getting dressed up for the rehearsal dinner. You held down the fort at home with the boys.

Our rehearsal and rehearsal dinner went off without a hitch. We kept it simple. Pizza, salad, wine, and beer at the Pinnacle Club - on the balcony overlooking the 9th green. We welcomed everyone and you gave a little speech thanking my mom and step dad for their contribution to our wedding. The block "O" grooms cake made of chocolate ganache. The bridal party gifts - money clips for the groomsmen and jewelry for the bridesmaids. Our friends. Our family. All together. It was a wonderful, beautiful, evening.

Those were a busy couple of days! The night before our wedding I slept at the hotel with the girls and you stayed at our house with our boys. I can remember being exhausted and excited and anxious all at the same time. For the next day I would marry the love of my life. That is a day I will never forget.

Love, Your Wife,

Lindsay

** Stay tuned for tomorrow's post, "Dear John:  An overview of Our First Year" which is to be followed up by Sunday's post, "Dear John: Our Wedding Day". **

The Monday Blues

It's Monday.

Again.

This weekend has gone by too quickly. As a working mom, I dread Mondays. Mondays mean the start of another long week. Five more days until the next glimpse of freedom. Five more days I will not be with my kids. Weekends go by so quickly, but sometimes the weeks just drag.

Usually, I try to stay very upbeat and positive about everything in my life, but today I'm just not feeling it.

I have the Monday blues. 

So I'm going to whine a little bit.

Monday means that I have to go back to the fertility doctor. I have to get my blood drawn, which I hate. And it's becoming a regular occurrence. I am not looking forward to it. In fact, I'm dreading it. It's bad enough I have to give myself a shot every night. Then to have to go to the doctors several times a week to get my blood drawn, get an ultrasound of my ovaries, and then get told that my levels are "off" just makes me depressed.

There I said it.

It makes me depressed.

Whine, whine, whine.

Monday also means another long week of work for my husband. His job requires a lot of hours and he doesn't get home until seven or eight o'clock (his work day starts at 7 am). I miss him. Being in charge of taking the kids to the babysitters and picking them up from the babysitters and getting dinner and making sure they get their showers kinda makes a woman feel like a single mother even though she's not. But, what's worse is that my hubby is so exhausted when he gets home and he still helps clean up dinner, set up the coffee pots for the next day, and packs his lunch. It makes me feel like a failure as a wife. I should be doing all of that stuff for him.

Instead, I blog. For me.

Then I put myself on a guilt trip.

It's hard to take care of a family and work full time, I rationalize. But really, I should just be a better wife and do more to ease his stress. That's what it's all about, right? Taking care of each other.

Monday also means that the things I did not accomplish this weekend will not get done for at least a week. Yes, we did all the necessary chores to maintain for a week - laundry, grocery shopping, tidying up. But, the vacuuming, bathrooms, dusting, and mopping will all have to wait. I didn't get enough done around the house and I didn't relax as much as I would have liked to either.

Whine, whine, whine. Waa, waa, waa.

Time to suck it up and get on with life. 

Because it's Monday. 

Again.

Making Marriage Work

My one year anniversary is coming up on August 22nd and it has got me thinking about marriage. What makes marriage work? What are the biggest issues married couples face? Why are some marriages successful and others are not? Can you "divorce proof" your marriage?

Here are my thoughts...

 There are a variety of factors that contribute to a successful marriage. Love is obviously a key ingredient. Friendship is another important aspect of marriage. A shared faith in God. Living by similar values. Trusting one another and being trustworthy. Respect for each other as individuals as well as respect for the marital relationship. Understanding that the marriage is the primary relationship in the family. The parent-child relationship comes second to that marital relationship. (This is especially important if your spouse has children from a previous relationship. Read more here.) Spending quality time together. Being honest with one another. Physical intimacy - yes,  holding hands, kissing, cuddling, etc does count! Patience. Empathy. Communication. Working together well.

The biggest issues married couples face: Parenting. Money. Sex. Household chores. In-laws. Those are the biggies. Behind every marital "hot button" there is a hard-wired belief that is usually the root of the problem. The topics listed above often provide the battlefield for a couple to argue about their differing values and needs. Many points of conflict in marital relationships come down to each spouse wanting to feel loved and wanting to feel valued as a person. The desire to be loved is one of the strongest human needs.

Why are some marriages successful, why others fail? There are so many different ways to answer this question and I'm not sure what the "right" answer is... Sometimes two people just aren't compatible. Sometimes people fall in love and get married so quickly, they haven't really had time to get to know each other a the deepest level. Sometimes one or both partners are too immature to truly understand what it means to be married. Sometimes marriage just doesn't work out. To me, successful marriages all seem to have three basic things in common; 1) friendship, 2) love, 3) acceptance. Marriage is hard work. It takes two people to make a marriage work. You must make a conscious commitment every day to love your spouse - especially when it is hard to love them.

Can you divorce-proof  a marriage? I think it depends on the marriage. If you are on the same page with your spouse about committing to each other, loving each other, and supporting each other through thick and thin; then, yes, I think you can divorce proof your marriage. If you are in a physically or emotionally abusive relationship it is not healthy for you, or you children. My advice to married women is to consciously choose to put your marriage up on a pedestal - understand that whatever difficult situations are going on in your relationship, your marriage is safe and untouchable up on that pedestal.

What's your advice on how to make marriage work? I love to hear from you. Let's start a discussion.

Boring Married Couple or Happily Married?

When two people become so comfortable with each other that they no long feel obliged to make small talk, does that mean that their relationship is really strong or really boring? When two people are physically together, but doing different things; are they content just being together, or are they avoiding talking to each other? I have spent the last 24 hours pondering that question with respect to my own marriage. Are we a boring married couple, or are we happily married? 

The hubs and I have been spending a lot of alone time together this summer. First, the boys spent a week away with John's dad. Then, just yesterday, Riley left to spend the week with my grandparents. Since Khegan is at his mom's this weekend, it's been just the two of us since about noon yesterday.

This is what we have done so far. John spent the afternoon (downstairs in the family room) watching baseball on T.V., or so I thought. I spent the afternoon (upstairs in the loft) on the computer blogging, tweeting, and surfing Facebook.  When I was finally able to tear myself away from the cyber-world long enough to pay attention to what is going on in my own house, I joined my hubby downstairs. He was watching the history channel and drinking beer. The history channel?! History was my all time least favorite subject in school. Anything that has to do with wars, politics, or government is not my cup of tea.

 After about five minutes of watching hubs watch the history channel, I pick up my phone and start tweeting and checking Facebook. At least we're in the same room, right?

This goes on for a little while, and I turn to hubs and say, "We are so boring. Here you are watching the history channel and I'm messing with my phone. We have no kids this weekend and look at us. We haven't even spent the afternoon in the same room."

Hubs turns and looks me in the eyes (at least he pulled his eyes away from the TV, right?) and says, "How are we boring? We are both enjoying this afternoon doing what each of us like to do. Yes, we have no kids today. We are enjoying it. And we are spending time together. We are in the same house, aren't we?"

Yeah, yeah. We are in the same house. At that point we were in the same room. But, we were hardly talking to each other at all. So I told hubs exactly that. (I have this habit of whatever I am thinking about, at that very moment, comes out of my mouth before I even have a chance to entirely process the thought myself.)

Hubs: "Why do we always have to be talking to each other? We talk to each other about everything! (Do we really?) I know everything about you and you know everything about me. What is there left to talk about?"

Me: "Yes, we talk about everything that has to do with the kids, the house, our jobs, and our schedules, but do we really talk to each other? About who we are as people?"

Hubs gave me that 'here we go again' look and said, "Yes."

I dropped it - maybe we are just really comfortable with each other. 

A few hours later, I find myself at dinner with hubs. We are at this restaurant/bar close to our house - one of our favorite spots to hang out together. He is looking past me watching the Reds game on the big screen T.V. I am looking past him watching the results of the Keno game (interactive lottery) on a smaller T.V. screen. Again, barely talking to each other.

Me: "We seriously are so boring."

Hubs: "Not this again."

Me: "Well, we are. Here we are at dinner together, hanging out, and we're still not talking."

Hubs: "What do you want to talk about?'

Me: Blank face. Heck, I really don't know what I want to talk about. I just want to have a stimulating interesting conversation with my husband. Is that too much to ask? Finally, I muster up the energy to say, "I don't know. I just know that back when I was a waitress I always pitted the couples that would come in to each and not say one word to each other. There were some couples, though, that would laugh and giggle and stare into each others eyes over dinner. That's who we are supposed to be."

Hubs: "Says who? Those happy, smiley, giggly couples - they were dating, not married."

Me: "No, they were married." (Hmmm, were they? I can't really remember looking for rings...)

Hubs: Dramatically staring into my eyes. "You are my beautiful wife. Doesn't that mean something to you? (It does, it so does.) I always want to talk to you. I always want to spend time with you. I am comfortable with you. We have fun no matter what we do. Now stop stressing about being boring and just have fun."

Me: I smile. I drop the subject. I feel childish. There was nothing else to say.

We ended up having a very nice evening. We didn't stay out too late. We came home and took our dog for a walk. John watched T.V. I sat beside him on the couch - tweeting from my phone. It was just lovely.

I've decided that being a boring married couple really isn't that bad. (And really isn't that boring.) What is important is that we are a happily married couple.

Friendship is the Key to a Successful Marriage and a Love that Lasts!

Friendship is the cornerstone of a successful marriage. When a marriage is built on an intimate friendship, the love will last forever. In his book "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work," John Gottman, Ph.D. explains, "Friendship fuels the flames of romance because it offers the best protection against feeling adversarial towards your spouse."

Romantic relationships may form when two people share common interests and enjoy spending time together. Here's a classic scenario. Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl. Boy asks girl out on a date. Girl says yes.

The initial "spark" or "chemistry", felt when boy meets girl, will only provide enough momentum to move the couple towards that first date, or possibly two. If no common interests exist then any hope for a future relationship fizzles out.

When common interests do exist, boy and girl will likely continue to spend more time together engaging in shared interests and activities. Boy and girl begin to build a solid friendship on the basis of their shared interests.

The relationship and budding friendship will grow to reach a more intimate level as the couple begins to share their hopes and dreams with one another. If the couple finds that they shares similar goals, values, and lifestyles, the relationship will progress even further.

Combine the joy one feels when she has met a special someone to share her innermost thoughts and feelings with, and the tingly feeling one gets when he is physically attracted to a member of the opposite sex; and the intensity of this friendship has risen to a full-fledged romantic relationship.

Marriage is a conscious commitment between two consenting adults to love and cherish each other every day for the rest of their lives. Love is a choice. In order for a marriage to succeed, each partner must choose to act lovingly towards one another for all the days of their lives. Love is unconditional.

Dr. Gary Chapman, in his book "The 5 Love Languages," discusses why love can fade after the wedding. He asserts that people prefer to be shown love in different ways. To be precise, Dr. Chapman has identified five primary love languages. The love languages are 1) words of affirmation, 2) quality time, 3) gifts, 4) acts of service, and 5) physical touch. By learning your spouse's love language, you will be able to convey love to your spouse in a manner she understands and recognizes.

A marriage based on a deep friendship, with mutual respect and admiration, provides a couple with a solid foundation that will hold strong in times of marital distress. According to John Gottman, friendship is a happy couple's secret weapon. His book states, "Rediscovering or reinvigorating friendship doesn't prevent couples from arguing. Instead, it gives them a secret weapon that prevents the quarrels from getting out of hand."

Maintain the friendship with your spouse by setting aside a regular time to re-connect and discuss the intimate as well as mundane details of your lives. Tell your partner you know how much you love him. Let your partner know that she is appreciated by planning a special date or buying her flowers. A simple hug can go a long way in letting your husband know what it means to be his wife. Helping your wife do the laundry or clean the bathrooms will let her know that you recognize all she does to keep your home warm and inviting.

A healthy balance of friendship, love, and respect will allow your marriage to thrive!

Additional Resources:
http://www.gottman.com/
http://www.garychapman.org/
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
http://foryourmarriage.org/

Happy Father's Day! 100 Reasons I Love My Husband!

In honor of Father's Day, here is a list of #100 reasons why I love my husband. I challenge you to write a post of 100 reasons you love your husband and post the link as a comment.

1. He is a great father!

2. He works hard

3. He is a good provider

4. He takes care of me

5. He does the laundry

6. He is so very handsome

7. He works out 5 days a week

8. He cooks

9. He helps out with cleaning

10. He is smart

11. He is funny

12. He is sexy

13. He makes me feel safe

14. He has become Riley's dad

15. He is responsible

16. I can count on him

17. I trust him

18. He comes home every day after work

19. It is fun to hang out with him

20. He is my best friend

21. He is good to my sisters, my mom, and my family

22. He let's me have my way :-)

23. He sends me flowers

24. He is stable

25. He is very level-headed

26. He puts up with my moods

27. He helps the kids with their homework

28. His big, strong arms

29. His smile

30. His eyes

31. He mows the grass

32. He is learning to do home repairs

33. He is sensitive

34. He is tough

35. He attends all the boys sports games

36. He followed my blog!

37. He is a great uncle

38. He welcomes my family in our home

39. He wants to have a baby with me

40. He cleans the garage

41. He kills spiders for me

42. He takes care of our dog, Maxie

43. He goes to the grocery store with me

44. He bought me a Pandora braclet for mother's day

45. He can be patient - when he wants to...

46. He supports my goals.

47. He wants the same things out of life that I do

48. He appreciates my influence and opion

49. He lets me be in charge of our finances

50. He's generous

51. He lets me know I am important to him

52. He knows me better than anyone

53. Our family is his #1 priority

54. He sticks up for me

55. He lets me be an influence in Khegan's life

56. I can talk to him about anything and everything

57. He takes care of the stuff I hate doing

58. He orders chick flicks for me from Netflix

59. He records my shows

60. He makes an effort when I need quality time

61. He puts family before work

62. He took me to an OSU game when he could have taken a guy friend

63. He bought me a carpet cleaner

64. He uses it to clean our carpet :)

65. He cleans up after dinner

66. I LOVE the way he smells! (usually)

67. He makes me coffee every day

68. He usually responds when I text him during the work day

69. He does a good job setting limits for the boys

70. He takes my breathe away

71. He is the 'heavy' in certain situations

72. He is thoughtful

73. He is a great kisser!

74. He packs the boys school lunches

75. He makes me feel special and loved

76. He help me plan our wedding

77. He holds my hand in the car

78. He is a family man

79. I love his gotee

80. He always wears his wedding ring

81. He pays attention when I talk

82. He tells me he loves me

83. He stays positive

84. He goes to church with me every week

85. He rubs my feet

86. He drives when we go on long trips

87. He makes time for me

88. He shares his life with me

89. He is a good listener

90. He is a Buckeye fan! Go Bucks!

91. He tought me about the NFL draft

92. He will stop to get milk on his way home

93. We are compatible

94. He is outgoing

95. He is sensible

96. He dances with me

97. He sings to me to be silly-sweet :>)

98. He will never say a hurtful word to me

99. He trusts my judgement

100. He loves me forever

Twitter Blog Hop! Weddings

Ten months ago, on August 22, 2009, I married the love of my life! This time last year I was up to my elbows in wedding planning details - cake, caterer, photographer, DJ, reception venue, centerpieces, dresses, shoes, jewelry, make-up, hair dressers, limos, rehearsal dinner details, and wedding day timelines!

After all that hard work, my wedding went off without a hitch! I am proud and happy to share my wedding story with the world! These pictures tell a story starting with the pre-rehearsal-dinner dinner and leading up to our BIG DAY and reception! Enjoy!

Pre-Rehearsal-Dinner Dinner!

Rehearsal Dinner!

Getting Ready for the Big Day!!

The BIG DAY!!

The Boys

The Girls

Other Wedding Pics

The Family

The Bridal Party

Reception

Honeymoon in Jamaica!

Remarried with Kids –The Creation of a New Breed Family

A remarriage with kids is WAY different than a marriage with kids.

Before I dive right into this article, let me provide a tiny bit of background.

My husband and I are quickly approaching our one year anniversary - August 22nd.

This last weekend I attended a bridal shower and bachelorette party for a friend. All of the wedding festivities led me to reflect on my last ten months of marriage, what marriage life is like for me, and what marriage really means.

Marriage is a sacred commitment between two individuals who choose to make a conscious commitment to love each other every day for the rest of their lives.

Every single day I thank God for my husband and my children.

I love my life.

Each day is new and presents new opportunities to experience life as a married couple. Our marriage faces many challenges on a weekly (and sometimes daily) basis.

My husband and I both have a child from a previous relationship. He was married before. I was not.

On the day we married, not only did we create a lifelong commitment to one another, but we also created a family – A New Breed Family.
___________________________________________________________________

Unlike nuclear families, New Breed Families do not always have the natural bonds that biological families have. When a New Breed Family is formed, it can be challenging, and sometimes difficult, to forge those bonds. Many factors, such as the age of the children, involvement from the other parent, and individual personalities all factor into forming bonding, loving relationships in New Breed Families.

It takes around five to seven years for New Breed Families to develop their own bonds, family traditions, and routines. A New Breed Family is the product of combining two smaller families (typically each parent and their respective child(ren)) together to form one cohesive family unit. That means taking two different styles of parenting, two different sets of routines, two different sets of family traditions, two different manners of relating to one another, and bringing them together into one household.

The creation of a New Breed Family means changes for everyone involved. This includes each of the spouses own biological families, each of the spouse’s ex-partner, and sometimes the ex-partner’s families. As humans, we are naturally resistant to change. The primal ‘fight or flight’ instinct is bound to surface for every person involved. Given the immense number of changes taking place during a relatively short period of time, and the new relationships being forged between every single involved person, there are bound to be some rough transitions.

Family members experiencea variety of emotions as the New Breed Family forms. There are many positive feelings such as happiness, love, and excitement. There are also many sub-positive feelings such as anger, jealously, and fear that can be associated with the creation of a New Breed Family. It is important to acknowledge and address all of those feelings. Couples who take the time to prepare for remarriage with children, by either attending pre-marital workshops through their church or with a marriage counselor, are much more well-equipped and prepared for the bringing together of the two smaller family units.

New Breed Families are still a relatively new phenomenon in modern American culture. No one really knows what the expectations are for creation of a New Breed Family. There is no “normal”. Although, it appears to be universal that New Breed Families will experience a period of transition. The children will benefit immensely when the remarried couple approaches the task of forming their New Breed Family with a well thought out plan that is implemented with a firm, loving hand.




The remarried couple needs to demonstrate to the children involved that they are a team, and that the newly formed marital relationship is primary to the parent – child relationship. By approaching the transitional period in this manner, the children will learn to love and respect the new parent in their lives. The new parent will feel loved and cherished by their spouse as he makes it apparent to his children that his marital relationship is the primary relationship in the newly formed family unit. When the parents in the house are on the same page, and rightfully take their place as the heads of the household, children tend to move through their resistance more quickly and feel more secure because they understand their role in the New Breed Family.

Please know that help is available for New Breed Families who are trying to make their way through the sometimes difficult transitional period of bringing to mini families together to form one solidified family unit. A family counselor is educated in the trials and tribulations that are common during the formation of a New Breed Family.

www.stepfamily.org
www.stepfamilies.info
www.theblendedandstepfamilyresourcecenter.com