My Journey Back to Light

Life is full of limitless opportunities and everyone gets to choose their own path. We have the amazing ability to design our own lives by the thoughts we choose to think, our attitudes, our beliefs, and ultimately our actions. It's easy to get caught up in our day to day lives, our jobs, our kids, paying bills, making dinner, laundry, homework, etc. and forget the awesome power we possess.

It's like someone is slowly turning the lights out on our dreams. Our eyes gradually adjust to the darkness and that becomes our new normal. We don't even realize we have been in the dark all that time until one day someone or something "flips the switch" and gives us a glimpse of the light. It's scary, shocking, and maybe even a little painful for our eyes to take in all that bright light. Often, our first instinct is to turn the light back off as quickly as possible.

But now that we've seen the light, the darkness becomes darker than ever before. The darkness in no longer a comfortable place for us because we realize there is another way. We realize there is so much we are missing out on because we couldn't see clearly while we were sitting in the dark. We want desperately to get back to the light.

But do we really?

Nothing is clear anymore. We begin to question how things are in our life. We can either step out of our comfort zone and start making different choices and moving towards the light or we can attempt to run backwards, back into the darkness, and pretend that everything is still the same. Like it was before we had a glimpse of the light, before we knew our life is of our making.

However it is impossible to go back to how it was before we knew. Because now we know. We know there is more to life than what we have been living. We know that we can make different choices and get different results. We know that the power to change our life is within us and that it has been all along. 

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Success is the sum of small efforts repeated day in and day out.

Change occurs from the inside out.

All of these statements are true.

I know from experience.

Over the last year and a half I have been on a journey from sickness to health, from fat to thin, from darkness to light.

While my transformation started out as physical, it has become so much more than that for me. It has become about finding my inner strength. It has become about seeing myself as more than I am right now. It has become about endless opportunities for my personal growth and development. It has become about stepping outside of my comfort zone and into the light.

This is just the beginning of my journey... My journey to transform my life from something mediocre into something extraordinary.

My hope, as I continue on this path, venturing outside of my comfort zone, is to inspire, encourage, and empower others to do the same. It is my hope that I will meet others along the way who have chosen to take that first step towards realizing their dreams. Others who are ready to take that first, courageous step out of the darkness and into the light. My hope is to meet you...

What's YOUR dream?

My Running and Weight Loss Journey Part IV

By August of 2012, I had lost 24 lbs and was weighing in at 168 lbs - just 5 lbs from the goal weight I had set for myself in January. After recently completing my first 5k, I was feel confident and strong. My husband & I had our weeknight routine down. When he got home, I was off to the gym to hit the treadmill. Things were rolling along smooth as could be...

Until football season.

Now you're probably thinking college or pro season ... nope. I am talking about Western Irish youth football. The boys were playing tackle football for the first time through our church. They've never played in that league before and we didn't know what to expect. We were used to 1 hour practices one night a week & games on Saturday mornings. We were in for a rude awakening...

Practice was 2 hours a day 4 or 5 days a week! My husband LOVED it... He loved watching those boys struggle and sweat as they ran drills and did up and downs in the late afternoon August sunshine. And, I've got to admit, I enjoyed watching them as well - my little men. ;-)

Still... it cut into my workout time!

MY time!

Now I was rushing home from work, picking up two big boys wearing full football gear, one baby boy who needed his own gear (stroller, diaper bag, sippy, snack, etc), and loading them all in the car to get to practice by five! My husband would meet me at their practice between 5:30 and 6 pm. Now, I could leave and head to the gym, but you moms know how important it is for your kids that you watch their practices. Not to mention that these practices were in several different location, some of which weren't that close to home.

Ugh.

What was I supposed to do?

After an internal debate, I resigned myself to what I knew I had to do... run outside. If I changed to my  running gear before heading to the boys' practice, I was able to watch the first 30 - 40 minutes before my hubby arrived. Then I would pass the little one off to him, get my run in (usually in an adjoining neighborhood), and be back to watch the last 30 minutes or so of practice. It was challenging. And forced me to face my fear of running outside. But it was worth it... for so many reasons.

First and foremost, it allowed me to watch a good portion of the boys' football practice. I also learned the many joys of running outside. I learned to run without worrying about pace. Or distance. Or calories burned. I learned to soak in the scenery. To enjoy the warm weather. To relax and let the stress of the day melt away.

I learned to LOVE running.

My endurance increased. My speed increased (although I am still a slow runner).

And I continued to lose weight.

In September, my work held their annual health evaluations. We have this program at work designed to assist employees in getting healthy or staying healthy. As part of the program they provide annual health assessments. They take your blood pressure, review your blood glucose levels, weight, cholesterol, etc.

Guess how my I weighed on the assessment day?

163 lbs!

I had finally reached my weight loss goal and was officially in a "normal"routine BMI range! I was ecstatic.
Aside from my weight, my good cholesterol was high and my bad cholesterol was low - so low that it didn't even register on their machine! And my blood pressure was 110/70! WOW! Look what running did for my health! I was truly amazed and more motivated than ever to keep on running!

So I signed up for another 5k... the Thanksgiving Wattle. I ran that race in 30 minutes and 32 seconds!
Around that same time (Thanksgiving) I slipped into a pair of size 10 jeans - a fete I hadn't accomplished since my Sophomore year in high school.

2012 was quite the journey for me - by the end of the year I was down to 157 lbs and feeling better than ever! My total weight loss to date has been 35 pounds and I am maintaining at 157 lbs.

Now what is a weight loss success story without the before and after photos?

Before 11-11-11

After 12-8-12

This journey will continue... 

...because I will keep on running!

My goal for 2013 is to run my first half marathon. 

Read My Running and Weight Loss Journey Part I 

Read My Running and Weight Loss Journey Part II 

Read My Running and Weight Loss Journey Part III 

My Running and Weight Loss Journey Part III

It was May and I was focused on pushing through the grief from my miscarriage in order to continue on the path for which I had set out in January - to lose weight. In January, when I had joined Weight Watchers, dead set against exercise, let alone running, I had set a goal weight of 163 lbs. Based off of the BMI scale, for a women my height and weight, 163 lbs was the highest weight in the "normal" range. 

It was a lofty goal.

The last time I weighed 163 lbs I was a Sophomore in high school. 

Late May 2012

Four and a half months and one miscarriage later, I was weighing in at 176 pounds - just 13 lbs away from my goal weight. I had already lost 16 lbs and I didn't want to give up on the tremendous (for me anyways) progress that I had made towards my goal. I was really liking the way I looked. And, since I was no longer sick from an over-abundance of pregnancy hormones, I was also liking the way I felt.

However, I was not sure I wanted to go back to Weight Watchers. While, WW gave my the jump-start I needed to begin seeing weight loss success, I was tired of counting Points.... I truly felt that if I focused on my fitness and eating healthy foods that I would no longer need the meetings and Point restrictions in order to continue down the path to a healthy weight. 

Around that same time, my sister, Sara, asked me to run a 5k with her in July.  The race supported a cause close to our hearts so I decided it would be a good motivator to sign up for the race. That would give me about two months to "train" and build up to the distance. My goal was to run the entire race no matter what the pace. 

Although it was spring time and the weather was good, I preferred doing my training indoors on the treadmill.  Honestly, I was frightened at the thought of running outside. Outside, people I know might see me running on the trail near my home - a risk I was not yet ready to take. Plus, when you are outside running and you get a mile away from your house, you are a MILE AWAY FROM YOUR HOUSE!! What if I had to use the bathroom, or needed a drink of water? No, thank you! I was perfectly happy running on the treadmill in the temperature controlled gym with my water bottle, sweat towel, and music all at arms length away. 

Still, I knew that at some point, I would have to run outside. I couldn't complete the 5k race on a treadmill, after all.... 

Time was ticking away. I was taking it day by day. My hubby and I had fell back into the routine of my coming home, getting the kids situated, changing to my running gear, and starting dinner. Then, when he got home, I would leave him to finish dinner and head to the gym to run. When I arrived home, he'd have dinner waiting. What an AWESOME husband I have! 

Most days I was 'running' 2-3 miles. I use the term 'running' loosely because I would take frequent walk breaks. Slowly, I built up my running minutes in between my walk break. Even with the walk breaks I was averaging about 12-13 minute miles. Now it was time to increase my distance. 

By June my workouts were three miles long and it took me between 36-40 minutes to complete. At that point I was still running inside on the treadmill and I knew I had to get myself outside. Finally, one Saturday, mid-June, I decided to run outside!

The logistics were tough for me. At that point I didn't know about "map my run", which I now use regularly to track my workouts, so I had to drive the distance in order to map a turn around point about 1.5 miles away from my house. The idea of being 1.5 miles from my house still scared me. Also, what about my music? I don't run with an ipod like most people do - I use my phone to stream iheartradio and listen to this GenX station out of Louisville, Kentucky. (Love me some GenX music :) For my first outside run, I decided I was going to just hold my cell phone while I ran. There was also the matter of water. I decided I would just have to deal with not have water readily available while I ran outside. 

Big Mistake. 

This was Ohio, mid-June, and it was H-O-T hot outside. 

That run sucked and sent me crawling back to the gym. How do people do it? All the time I see these fit, sun-kissed, gorgeous, tone, runners trotting along with out anything in their hands -no water, no phone, no sweat towel, nothing. And I couldn't figure out how they could do it. 

Then, one morning on my way home from the gym, I saw a gal running along side the road with a hydration belt on and I thought, "I MUST have on of those!" I would have my water, phone, and sweat towel all stashed right in that belt. Everything available to me at the gym would be right there - except for bathrooms, but I knew I could make it for a 30 - 60 minute run/walk/jog without needing to hit up the bathroom. 

So I searched for a hydration belt and finally found one I deemed suitable. Then, I geared myself up for Saturday, when I would run the FIVE mile loop I had mapped out near my house. 

Saturday came and it was overcast. I debated whether to call the run before I even set out due to the possibility of ran, but I decided I had to listen to NIKE and Just Do It! It took some time to get my hydration belt adjusted. When I finally got out the door and moving I realized that I did not like the jiggling of the water bottles on the hydration belt at all. 

Slowly, I traversed the path I had plotted out. I ran a good 2 miles before I had to stop for my first of several walking breaks. About half way through my course, the water in my bottles had gotten warm from the heat of the day as well as my body heat. Still, I suppose warm water is better than no water. My belt continued to jiggle and I continued to stop and adjust it throughout the run. I felt very conspicuous as I wiggled and jiggled that belt every few minutes. 

As I entered into the last 1.5 miles of my run, I began to feel sprinkles.

At first there were just a few, but in a matter of minutes there was a downpour. No thunder or lightening - just a refreshing summer rain. A refreshing summer rain that SOAKED my clothes. Luckily, I had put my phone in a plastic ziplock bag before I put it in the pouch on the hydration belt. (I know, I'm a dork, but I was afraid of damaging my phone if it rained.) My socks were sloshy in my shoes. And I was tired, so I was still taking walking breaks as the rain poured down.

But, as I turned that last curve that headed up to my neighborhood, something clicked. I felt free! I laughed out loud. It was almost if that rain was just for me - to cool me down after my first official "long run". 

Looking back, that run was really a comical disaster. And I never used the hydration belt again after that run. Still, that run was a turning point for me... I no longer wanted to be a runner - I WAS a RUNNER!

Things began to get easier when I bought an arm band to put my phone in while I ran - it turns out I am not the only runner who streams music through their phone instead of an ipod. :-) Also, I realized that for longer runs, it didn't bother me to carry a water bottle with me. 

By the time July 28th rolled around, I was ready! 

My race time was 32:24! 

That was a GREAT time for me! Way better than my goal of 36 minutes. And, although I did have to take a couple 'walking breaks' during the race, I ended feeling very accomplished. 

I was really starting to ENJOY running! 

And, I had lost another 8 pounds, bringing my weight down to 168 lbs

... only five pounds from my goal. 

My Mom, Me, My Sister Sara

Mom & Me

Curious how this story ends? 

Stay tuned for My Weight Loss and Running Journey Part IV ....

Missed the beginning?

My Running and Weight Loss Journey Part I

My Running and Weight Loss Journey Part II 

My Running and Weight Loss Journey Part II

By the middle of February 2012, I had lost 12 lbs and could comfortably wear size 14 pants. My self esteem was increasing and I was starting to feel more and more like the self-confident woman I had once been. Weight Watchers was largely to thank for my success. I had been attending weekly meetings and adhering to their Points Plus program, which included the ability to earn Activity Points through weekly exercise. 

Read My Running and Weight Loss Journey Part I 

My weight loss efforts were going well and I was getting into my exercising grove! I felt better than I had felt in a LONG time. And... I was finding that I really enjoyed running! Over the last 6 weeks I had gradually increased my "running minutes" on the treadmill. Now, I was able to run for SIX solid minutes before stopping to walk! That may not sound like much to you, but for me that was a miracle. 

Then, something unexpected happened. 

I was tired. 

I was cranky. 

I was late. 

Yes - that kind of late. But I have struggled with PCOS and infertility for quite some time. We had just had our little miracle baby, Micah, in May of 2011 and we know we want another child. Due to my PCOS and the fact that we needed assistance from a fertility doctor to conceive Micah, we were not using birth control. Instead, we were trusting God that if we were meant to have another child, it would happen in His timing. 

... It was a Saturday afternoon in February. I had just TRIPLED my longest run. Yes, that's right ladies and gentlemen, I had just ran for 18 minutes with no walking breaks! I was on cloud nine. As I left the gym and to headed to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription for Micah, I was thinking about how much I was really starting to enjoy running. Then, my mind drifted as I began to think about how tired I had been the last week and that I was late for my period, although that was nothing new due to my PCOS. On a whim, I bought a box of home pregnancy tests. I felt kinda silly for even buying them - it reminded my of when I was taking test after test, month after month, when we were trying to conceive. Well, at least I would know I am not pregnant and the box contained a couple extra tests for when I was late again next month or the month after that...

When I get home, I kissed my kiddos and hopped in the shower. That night was date night for my and hubby and I was looking forward to (comfortably) wearing my new size 14 AE jeans. While I was getting around for the evening, I took a test and set it on the sink to wait the allotted 5 minutes while I continued to get ready. A few minutes later, I glance at the test... 

POSITIVE?! 

WHAT?! That can't be right... but it was. 

Of course, we were elated and I quickly adapted into pregnant mode. 

I quit Weight Watchers.

My nightly gym sessions were traded in for nightly naps. 

And I was SICK. 

The morning sickness was ridiculous. It was every day, seemingly all day. And went I wasn't yacking, my tummy was queasy. No cravings for me. Nothing sounded good. I lost more weight. 

And slept. 

I was EXHAUSTED all the time. 

But my doctor said things were good when she did a 7 week ultra sound. At our 11 week appointment she did not do an ultra sound check, but said the baby's heart was strong and we were "in the clear" meaning our chances of having a miscarriage dropped dramatically at 12 weeks. 

At the end of April 2012, 4 lbs lighter than when I got pregnant, I went in for my 4 month check up. I was 15 weeks pregnant. My husband did not come with me because it was just a routine check. There wouldn't be a need for an ultra sound... 

She couldn't find the heartbeat. 

I couldn't breathe. I was nervous. Anxious. Uncertain. Scared. I tried to concentrate on her words, "The baby's probably just hiding. Let's get you over to the other room for an ultra sound. At least you'll get to see your little peanut today." 

As I wait in the cold, sterile room where the U/S machine is, I had an overwhelming feeling of dread. Something wasn't right. This entire pregnancy didn't seem quite right. The last few weeks I actually had felt like something was very wrong. 

The doctor confirmed my fears. 

The ultrasound showed a little fetus with no heartbeat. 

We came to find out it was a "partial molar" pregnancy. Basically, a genetic abnormality where the baby had inherited an extra set of chromosomes. He or she didn't have a chance from day one. 

Micah & I on his 1st Birthday

On May 6th we celebrated Micah's first birthday. We were determined to focus on the blessings in our lives. Our children. Our families. Our jobs. Our health. We would get up every day and put one foot in front of the other and trust that there is a reason for everything in this life. 

One week after Micah's first birthday, I made the decision that I would go back to the gym. It was mid-May and I had lost 16 pounds since January, leaving me weighing in at 176 lbs - 4 lbs lighter than I was on my wedding day. 

I made up my mind.

Despite my grief.

I would keep on running... 

Stay tuned for My Running and Weight Loss Journey Part III.. 

My Running  and Weight Loss Journey Part I

My 2012 New Year's Resolution was to lose weight. At 30 years old I weighed in at 192 lbs. Having recently given birth to my second child, instead of "losing the baby weight" I had just continued to pack on the pounds. I didn't like the way I looked. I didn't like the way I felt. So on the evening of January 1, 2012, I found myself attending my first-ever Weight Watchers meeting. 

  

Before 11-11-11 Size 16

The Points Plus Program assigned me thirty-some "points" a day and allowed for unlimited "free" fruits and veggies. The first meeting was fun and I liked the idea of being held accountable with weekly weigh-ins. The program structure seemed very supportive and conducive to my weight loss needs. One of my favorites tenets of the program was that you didn't HAVE to exercise! 

This appealed to me because I was not a big fan of exercising. Over the course of my adult life, there have been a few brief periods of time where I would get on an 'exercising kick' and I probably even lost a few pounds here and there. Still, I despised exercising. It was hard. It made my body sore. It took a lot of effort. It was expensive. I didn't have the time. And, at the end of a long work day, I certainly didn't have the energy. (Sound familiar?)

It didn't take me long to realize that I was WAY off-base with the whole "no exercise" thing. While it wasn't required as part of the WW program, participants could earn extra Points, called Activity Points, for exercising. And extra Points = extra FOOD. I may have not been motivated to exercise for the sake of exercise, but the idea of having extra Points to splurge on that slice of pizza on Friday nights was sure motivating!

I decided it wouldn't hurt to exercise for 15-30 minutes 2 or 3 times a week. But, I was NOT going to RUN. Running was not my thing. No way. 

When I was in middle school some of my friends got the bright idea to join cross country. They did great. They loved gossiping back and forth as we traversed the trail behind the school. They held full conversations during those runs. Meanwhile I was red-faced and panting and praying I wouldn't trip and fall flat on my face. Eventually I would have to stop and walk while they ran on. In middle school cross country the races were only 2 miles but it took me the entire season to be able to run the full race without taking walking breaks. While my friends were running 7 minute miles, mine were 13 minutes. Needless to say that was the first and only season I participated in cross country. 

My only other running experience ever was a 5k race that I ran/walked with no prior training or conditioning. The race was sponsored by an agency I used to work for so I felt obligated by my role in the agency to participate in the race. Yeah. Probably the sorest I have ever been in my LIFE. 

No running for me. I would use the elliptical machine or walk on the treadmill to earn my Activity Points.

My husband was very supportive of my weight loss efforts. We stopping buying soda pop and began buying more fruits and vegetables. I would plan my meals in advance and log my Points prior to each meal. (I found it helpful to log the Points before I ate so I would be less tempted to overeat.) I started setting aside two or three nights a week to go to the gym. My husband would 'pick up the slack' by making dinner on those nights - which has become our new routine to this very day.

Slowly, I began losing weight. 

2-18-12 Weight Loss 12 lbs. Size 14

One day - a few weeks into my new exercising routine - I decided to run for one minute at the end of my treadmill session. Then next day I broke my 20 minute treadmill session into two, 10 minute halves, and I walked for 9 minutes and ran for the other minute. By February I was able to run for 6 minutes straight. It had been about 6 weeks since I started WW and I had lost about 12 pounds and I was feeling GOOD! 

Then, something unexpected happened and my Weight Watchers journey and my newly founded exercise routine came to a screeching halt... 

Read what happens next in the second installment - My Weight Loss and Running Journey Part II. 

New Beginnings

As we usher in the new year, it is time to celebrate our accomplishments from the previous year, but more importantly, it's time to look ahead to what new adventures 2013 has in store for us!

Nationally, 2012 saw both moments of  great accomplishment and joy as well as moments of grave sorrow. We watched with pride the events of the 2012 London Olympic games. We witnessed Facebook 'go public'. We voted in the 2012 presidential election and (like it or not) re-elected President Barrack Obama to office. And, we held our breath with anticipation as the Mayan calendar predicted the end of the world on December 21st. We also watched in horror as the events of  the Colorado theater massacre and the tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary unfolded before our very eyes. (My thoughts and prayers go out to those babies who senselessly lost their lives as well as their families who must somehow find a way to go on without them.)

Personally, 2012 also gave way to moments of great accomplishment as well as moments of grave sorrow. I (finally) made the commitment to lose weight (35 lbs!!) and get fit once and for all. My husband, John, and I  joyfully celebrated 3 years of a successful marriage. John accepted a new job opportunity. I declined a new job opportunity. My oldest son, Riley, challenged himself by playing TACKLE football for the first time and by learning to play the recorder. My stepson, Khegan, advanced from the k-4 elementary school building to the intermediate school, where he earned straight A's on his first-ever 'big kid' report card. Both of the 'big boys' got sMart phoNes for Christmas (Oh my!)! And, my baby, Micah, developed in to the sweetest, fastest, ornery-est, little chatterbox you can imagine! He is such a tremendous blessing to our family. 

Amidst the happiness of 2012, my family also experienced sorrow following the miscarriage I experienced in April. It was a tough time, but we have faith that God has a master plan for us and that our baby is looking down on us from heaven.

Now, as we embark on a new year, it is a time to look beyond the accomplishments and sorrows of 2012 and focus on New Beginnings!

This year I plan on giving this blogging thing another try AND training for a half marathon.  

Although these may sound like lofty goals, they really go hand in hand. As a busy, working mothers, we need OUTLETS for our stress. We need INTERESTS & hobbies outside of our jobs and our kids. Running is my stress outlet. Blogging is both an interest and a hobby (albeit an old interest and hobby that I had, up until now, given up). And, get this - I can BLoG about ruNnInG!!!! 

Coming soon... check out my half marathon training page.  

Other things I am looking forward to in 2013... paying off the last bit of our credit card debt (can I get a WOOT, WOOT?!), the start (and hopefully completion) of several household maintenance projects, potty training the little man  (maybe), #4 wedding anniversary, continued fitness and weight loss, watching my sons grow into little men, and possibly even a (much-needed) family VACATION!

As I look ahead to my hopes, dreams, and goals for 2013, I - like many others - face doubts in my own abilities. Will I be able to keep up with all the work my goals entail? Will I be able to achieve my goals? What unforeseen circumstances could contribute to my failure? Will I fail? Or, maybe, just maybe, will I taste the sweet taste of success?

What are you looking forward to in 2013? Please drop me a comment and let me know what New Beginnings are in store for you.

Gratitude

As a follow up to yesterday's post, The Monday Blues, today's post will focus on gratitude.

Yesterday we whined. Today we will be thankful.



No one can be happy all the time. We will always have our moments, or a series of moments, when life has us run down. In the midst of those moments it is easy to find ourselves feeling frustrated and being flooded with negative thoughts. It is a well known secret that our thoughts directly impact our emotions.

By changing our thinking we can change our outlook on the world, and in turn, we can change our life! 

After a rather rough start on Monday morning, I changed my thinking and over the course of the day good things began to happen. When I am in a rut, I stop and think about all of the things in my life for which I am most thankful.

Here is my list, in no particular order..

My Husband
My Children
My Mother
My Sisters
My Family
My relationship with God
My real life friends
My 'twitter friends'
A healthy family
A beautiful home
A stable job
My education
Freedom

I could go on and on listing the material possessions that I am thankful for, but mostly I am thankful for the wonderful people in my life and for the things that you can't put a price tag on.

The amazing thing about gratitude is that when you are grateful for the blessings in your life, more and more blessing will be given to you. Before you can get what you most desire in life, you must be grateful for what you already have.

What are you thankful for? I invite you to comment on this post and share your thoughts.

Back To Reality & Reflections of a Peaceful Day

Back to Reality 

It's Monday. My week of vacation has come to an end. I am back to reality and, of course, work. We arrived home Saturday afternoon, which worked out remarkably well. I was able to get our bags unpacked and make a Walmart trip Saturday afternoon. Then, while I put away groceries and made dinner, hubs mowed the yard. And, by the way, the weed bed yard REALLY needed to be mowed. I think next year we are going to have to break down a pay chem lawn to make our grass purdy.

We had a fabulous time on vacation. Tune into my wordless Wednesday post to see just how fabulous of a time we had! It's always a little sad going back to work after a nice relaxing week with the family. However, I think that the day-to-day "stuff" makes us appreciate each other and the time we have to share together all the more. A week away allows us to come back to center - meaning that it allows us to refocus on what is important in life. Sometimes it is all too easy to get caught up with the day-to-day "stuff" and lose sight of what matters most - God, family, friends, love.

Reflections of a Peaceful Day

I am sitting on the beach as I write this post. It is a beautiful day! We've had nothing but gorgeous, sunny weather all week long! The boys are loving the water. They have been "boogie boarding" and wave jumping all week long!

The sun is shining down on me and I feel at peace with the world. My husband, the love of my life, is sitting next to me, holding my hand. There are so many blessings in my life and I feel grateful for them every day. Yet, at this moment, I feel especially grateful. Almost like God is shining down all of his blessings directly onto me and my family. 

This sense of peace and harmony is something I wish for all mothers. A beautiful day. A loving family. A happy heart. The power to create that peace is within us all. It is called love.

Transforming My Life Project Day 10: Aligning Yourself With Your Higher Power

This post is partially inspired by Katie over at Sluiter Nation and her most recent post called I Saw the Sign. Katie's post talks about the universe being full of signs and if we don't pay attention to those signs, they get bigger, more pronounced, until they get so big that you have no choice, but to pay attention to them.

This makes sense to me. In life there are lessons we are supposed to learn. That is why we are here. I believe in God and practice my faith through the Catholic religion. Although, I don't follow, or necessarily agree with, every single tenant of the religion; I get a lot out of going to church and practicing my faith. I pray - usually daily, but to say I pray every single day would be a lie.

When I pray, I thank God for all of the blessings in my life. Then I pray for others and ask God to help them through whatever current life challenge/task they are facing. Next I pray for the things I want for me, my life, and my family. Finally, I ask God to help me to do his will and to help me recognize what He wants me to do. Basically, I ask Him to help me see the signs he is putting before me and to help me follow His lead.

Currently, my life is focused on change. Through the Transforming My Life Project I plan to dramatically change my current life situation over the course of the next year. A key ingredient in the Transforming My Life Project is the Law of Attraction. I truly believe that there is something to this law. It has worked for me in the past and it will work for me again.

The Law of Attraction says that people create their own reality through the power of thought. According to the law, whatever your dominant thoughts are about will be reflected in your life. Your current life is a reflection of your past thoughts and feelings. If you want to change your life, then change your thinking. The power of positive thinking can work miracles. When you think about what you want as though it is already yours, then the universe will realign itself to make your dreams become reality.

Initially, I thought The Law of Attraction was some new-age bullshit and stood in stark contrast to The Law of God. Now, after reading The Secret five times, and finding my way back to the church (another blog post entirely), I think that The Law of Attraction is actually a way of 'breaking down' what following God is all about - Faith, Hope, and Love. 

Ask. When you pray, you are essentially asking for God to grant your wishes. The Law of Attraction says, that when you think, you send off a frequency into the universe, and the universe responses by giving back to you things or experiences that are aligned to that frequency.

Believe. The key to The Law of Attraction is believing - Faith.

"Whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive." Matthew 21:22

"What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them." Mark 11:24

The Law of Attraction says that when you believe, the universe will realign itself to bring you what your heart desires. The universe, in these terms, sounds, to me, a lot like The Holy Spirit - God's invisible presence on Earth. The Holy Spirit is the means by which God answers our prayers.

You may be asking, if this is true, if God (or whatever Higher Power you believe in) is making your thoughts/intentions/dreams become reality - then why is it that not all of your prayers are answered? I believe that your prayers are not answered, your thoughts don't become reality, when you are not aligned with God (Your Higher Power).

 Receive. Feel good about yourself. Feel good about your life. Be grateful and thankful for the many blessings God has given you. By getting yourself on the frequency of gratitude and thanks you are opening yourself up to receive all the gifts God has in store for you.

Faith. Have Faith that God will provide. Look for the signs. See what God wants you to do. Align yourself with God.

Hope. Have Hope for the future. Hope that your thoughts/dreams/intentions will be returned to you through the power of The Holy Spirit.

Love. Of these, the greatest is love. Love is the frequency of receiving. Love breeds acceptance. Love God. Love yourself. Love your family. Love your neighbors. Love your enemies.

Transforming My Life Project Day 2: Happiness is a State of Mind

People spend their whole lives searching for happiness. It is common to hear people say, "If only I had more money, time, power, influence, children, a house, a new car, etc. etc.,..." then I would be truly happy.


Happiness does not come from material things. True, we may feel happy when we get something new, but it is not really that material object that is making us happy. It is our perception of the material object that makes us happy.

Put simply, we are happy when we think we are happy.

And, guess what?

As humans, we have this amazing gift to control what we think! This means that if we think happy thoughts we become happy. By finding the positives in any given situation, we draw more positive experiences into our life.

Positive thoughts lead to positive life experiences. Have you ever heard the saying, "Fake it til you make it!" or "The power of positive thinking."? Happy people are happy because they find the positives in any situation. They control their thoughts - only allowing those positive juices to flow. Happy people are charismatic. They are like a magnet attracting more positive people and positive energy into their lives.

The reverse is true too.

Negative thoughts lead to negative life experiences. Have you ever heard the saying, "Misery loves company." or "Birds of a feather flock together."? It's true. If you surround yourself with negative people and overwhelm yourself with negative thoughts, then you are creating a negative (and miserable) reality for your life.

The choice is yours! Take charge of your thoughts, take charge of your life! Think happy, be happy! Only you have control over your own happiness.

Faith, Hope, and Love

These two excerpts from the Bible are quite meaningful to me. 1 Corinthians was one of the readings at our wedding.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 "Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up; and it's faith, hope, and patience never fail."

1 Corinthians 13:13 "Meanwhile these three remain: faith, hope, and love; and the greatest of these is love."

Life is a journey.

On our journey God presents us with many joyous occasions as well as many trials and tribulations. He will not present us with any task that we cannot handle. We are humbled by the difficult times we face. In facing disappointment, fear, and hurt; we learn to appreciate all the gifts in our lives.

God has armed us with his three greatest gifts: faith, hope, and love - of these, the greatest is love.

Faith: Have faith that there are brighter times ahead. Have faith that He will provide for us. Have faith that we are right where we are meant to be. Everything happens for a reason.

Hope: Believe in the possibilities that live holds. With Him, all things are possible. Hope is the rainbow that appears after the storm. The light at the end of the tunnel. Hope gives us something to strive for and drives our dreams into reality.

Love: Love is a unique, human emotion. Love God. Love yourself. Love your husband. Love your children. Love your life. Love picks us up when we are weak. Love holds us together in times of sorrow. Without love we are nothing.

Life Reflections

Friday was my ten year class reunion. It has been ten years since I graduated high school and embarked on my adult life. After attending the reunion, I began to reflect on my life over the last ten years. On the day I graduated high school I thought to myself, “Someday I will be attending a ten year class reunion. I wonder what my life will be like.”

My current life contains all the elements of the life I envisioned for myself ten years ago. At eighteen my goals for the next ten years included graduating from college, getting married, buying a house, and having children. Over the course of the last ten years I have done all those things. However, although all the elements of the life I envisioned are present in my current life, the manner in which my life unfolded was not at all like I had envisioned.

Never did I envision getting pregnant and having my first child at age twenty. Never did I envision completing college (and grad school) as a single parent. Never did I envision marrying a divorced man with a child. Never did I envision being a stepmother. Most of the experiences that I have had over the last ten years were not what I envisioned. Yet, somehow, my life today is exactly what I envisioned it to be ten years ago.

God works in mysterious ways. As a child, I was raised in the Catholic Church. Over the years I’ve always believe in God, even when my life path led me astray. There were a good seven to eight years that I attended church very rarely, and at least a year or two that I did not even set foot inside a church. It wasn’t until I got engaged that (wanting a Catholic wedding) I came back to the church. My husband is not Catholic, and for the most part he has not been a church-going man.

Since I wanted a Catholic wedding and my husband had been married before, he had to complete the annulment process through the Catholic Church. This tedious process of telling your life story and trying to convince the Catholic Tribunal that your first marriage was somehow inherently flawed, and therefore able to be annulled, was a grand gesture of his love towards me. In addition to the annulment we attended marriage preparation classes for second marriages taking place in the Catholic Church. This was a growing process for both of us and brought us closer as a couple.

Today, John sits by my side every Sunday at mass.

In reflecting over my last ten years, I am now able to see how my life experiences were divinely guided. While the road was long, bumpy, and winding, it led me to the life I enjoy today. There is a country song by Rascal Flatts called ‘Bless the Broken Road’ that beautifully illustrates my feelings as I sit here and write this today.


God has blessed my broken road, and for that I am thankful every day.

Dream Big

In reading my post from yesterday titled, ‘Kiss your comfort zone good-bye!’, you may have gathered that I’ve recently decided to step out of my comfort zone and dream big.

It has always been my dream to write a book. And to have it published. And to be on Oprah.

Being on Oprah is a ways off, but writing a book that will get published – that will happen sooner, rather than later. Still, I’m getting ahead of myself here. Let me regress…

My entire adult life I have been working towards one goal or another.

When I was a young, single mother, at the age of twenty, it was my goal to finish college. To achieve that goal I had to make a lot of sacrifices. I had to move in with my grandparents, who generously allowed me to live with them while I went to school. I had to spent my nights studying instead of holding my baby. (Really, I did plenty of that too, but you know what I mean.) Since I was a full-time student and a part-time waitress, I didn’t have a lot of money. I had to collect welfare. Talk about a humbling experience. It was amazing to me how the social workers would look down on me for being on welfare when all I was trying to do was make a life for myself and my son. The point is, it was difficult to achieve this goal, but I did.

In January 2004, at twenty-two years old, with a two-year-old son, I graduated from college.

Graduating from college was a stepping-stone in my life. It allowed me to get a good job with the local Public Children Services Agency. That job allowed me to move into a nice half-double with my son. It felt good to be on my own. However, I was not satisfied with a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology. So, over the course of the next two years, I continued to work hard. I wrote a lot of research papers, took care of a toddler (who turned into a preschooler), got a promotion, protected children at risk of abuse and neglect, and nurtured my little family of two.

In June 2007, at twenty-five years old, with a four-year-old son, I received my Masters Degree in Social Work.

About that time I started to toss around the idea of fulfilling my long-time dream of writing a book. My best friend, doing what best friends do, bought me a book about how to write a book and how to get your book published. But what would I write about? The book (about writing a book) said that publishers wanted to know why you are the best person to be writing a book about your subject area. To be a successful non-fiction author, you need an angle, and you need to be an expert. The only thing I was close to being an expert at was my job, and maybe being a mother. So, I put my dream of writing a book on hold. I got another promotion. I forced myself to start dating. Then, I met the love of my life on Match.com. Yes, you read that correctly.

In January 2008, at twenty-six years old, with a five-year-old son, I met the love of my life on Match.com.

Over the next few months I fell more and more in love with John and his son Khegan. After a short four months of dating, my now-husband proposed. I said yes! Then I turned my life upside down. We, my son and I, moved. I spent three months commuting over an hour a day – both ways. I got a new job. We bought a house. We planned a wedding. We created a family.

On August 22, 2009, at twenty-seven years old, with a seven-year-old son, I married the love of my life. I became a stepmother. We became a family.

The plan was to expand our family – immediately. To my frustration, this did not happen. Apparently, a woman who is very fertile at twenty is not always so fertile at twenty-seven. Or, twenty-eight. In my impatience, I got stuck. My life was at a stand-still. There was no “next big thing”. A baby; a baby was supposed to be our next big thing. We are still working on that.

In January 2010, at twenty-eight years old, with a seven-year-old son, and a seven-year-old stepson, and a thirty year old husband, I found out that we would need the assistance of fertility medications to achieve our next big thing.

My feet were planted firmly in my comfort zone. A comfortable job. A nice house. Two smart, beautiful children. A strong, handsome husband. To an outsider it looked like I had it all. But, I was not an outsider – I was standing with my feet planted firmly in my comfort zone. And, a voice inside my head was telling me to get out – to do more, to be more. So, with all the courage I could muster, I kissed my comfort zone good-bye!

On May 1, 2010, at twenty-eight years old, with two seven-year old sons, and a husband, and a graduate level education, I created this blog. My blog. The precursor to my book. My book that will get published. Then I will be on Oprah.

Kiss Your Comfort Zone Goodbye!

Today, my sister forwarded me this quote.

"I used to have a Comfort Zone…where I knew I could not fail… The same four walls and busy work…were really more like jail… I longed so much, to do the things…I’d never done before… But, I stayed inside my Comfort Zone…and paced the same old floor...

I said it didn’t matter…that I wasn’t doing much… I said I didn’t care for things…like diamonds…cars…and such I claimed to be so busy...with the things inside my zone... But, deep inside…I longed for…some victory of my own.

I couldn’t let my life go by…just watching others wine! I held my breath…and stepped outside…to let the change begin… I took a step…and with strength, I’d never felt before… I kissed my Comfort Zone good-bye…and closed and locked the door.

If you are in a Comfort Zone…afraid to venture out…Remember that all winners, at one time were filled with doubt. A step or two, and words of praise, can make your dreams come true… So, greet your future with a smile…Success is there for you."

... Author Unknown

To me, this is a very powerful quote. So many women spend their lives living within their “comfort zone”. They are comfortable and complacent to spend day after day doing laundry, cleaning the kitchen, vacuuming the floors, working at their same old boring jobs, visiting the same old boring restaurants, getting their hair cut the same way, buying the same groceries, cooking the same meals, wearing the same styles, visiting with the same old friends, week after boring week.

And all the while, they complain. The laundry is never caught up. I wish we could afford a housekeeper. My boss is so difficult. Walmart raised their grocery prices! There is never anything to do in this city. My clothes are so plain. I hate my hair. Can my hips get any bigger?!

Then, they make excuses. My husband never helps me. The children take up so much time. Moms don’t have time to exercise. We could never afford that dress. I can’t quit my job because my family needs the benefits. How could we possibly take a vacation without the children? These are hard economic times.

Next, they criticize – they criticize the women who are living outside of their comfort zones. Can you believe Jane would spend that much money on shoes? Gayle doesn’t even clean her own house…she pays someone else to do it. Susan is not a very involved parent – she never attends PTA meetings. What an extravagant hair cut that woman has! The Jones’ vacation cost a small fortune – so much for planning for their children’s college education.

And so, they waste their lives away, living inside their “comfort zone”.

Please understand that I am, by no means, saying that being a reliable, involved mother, or having a long-standing, steady job, is wasting your life away. That is not what I mean at all. I am talking about women who are settling. They are settling for a loveless marriage, settling for a boring job, settling for a modest, but steady income, settling.

At what point do we, as women, give up on our hopes and dreams to live a life of comfort and complacency? It happens to all of us at some point in our lives. We stop trying. We stop striving to do better, to be better.

I have always been a go-getter. If I set my mind to do something, I would achieve it. Life has dealt me many challenges, but I have somehow always managed to make it through and come out smelling like a rose. I have worked very hard, for a very long time, to elevate my life to the place where it is today. So why is it, that just when I feel like I’m “settling” comfortably into my life, do warning sirens seem to flash in my head saying, “There is more to life than this! You can do more, be more!”

Maybe it’s because I am a dreamer. Maybe it is because I am a perfectionist. Maybe it is because I have very high standards. Whatever the reason may be, I can’t allow myself to live comfortably and complacently inside my safety zone. I am meant to do more, be more, achieve more. By virtue of being a wife and mother, I do not have to automatically settle for what appears to be, to the average bystander, as being a “good life”. I want a great life. I will have an extraordinary life.