Tuesday, January 8, 2013

My Running and Weight Loss Journey Part II

By the middle of February 2012, I had lost 12 lbs and could comfortably wear size 14 pants. My self esteem was increasing and I was starting to feel more and more like the self-confident woman I had once been. Weight Watchers was largely to thank for my success. I had been attending weekly meetings and adhering to their Points Plus program, which included the ability to earn Activity Points through weekly exercise. 

My weight loss efforts were going well and I was getting into my exercising grove! I felt better than I had felt in a LONG time. And... I was finding that I really enjoyed running! Over the last 6 weeks I had gradually increased my "running minutes" on the treadmill. Now, I was able to run for SIX solid minutes before stopping to walk! That may not sound like much to you, but for me that was a miracle. 

Then, something unexpected happened. 

I was tired. 

I was cranky. 

I was late. 

Yes - that kind of late. But I have struggled with PCOS and infertility for quite some time. We had just had our little miracle baby, Micah, in May of 2011 and we know we want another child. Due to my PCOS and the fact that we needed assistance from a fertility doctor to conceive Micah, we were not using birth control. Instead, we were trusting God that if we were meant to have another child, it would happen in His timing. 

... It was a Saturday afternoon in February. I had just TRIPLED my longest run. Yes, that's right ladies and gentlemen, I had just ran for 18 minutes with no walking breaks! I was on cloud nine. As I left the gym and to headed to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription for Micah, I was thinking about how much I was really starting to enjoy running. Then, my mind drifted as I began to think about how tired I had been the last week and that I was late for my period, although that was nothing new due to my PCOS. On a whim, I bought a box of home pregnancy tests. I felt kinda silly for even buying them - it reminded my of when I was taking test after test, month after month, when we were trying to conceive. Well, at least I would know I am not pregnant and the box contained a couple extra tests for when I was late again next month or the month after that...

When I get home, I kissed my kiddos and hopped in the shower. That night was date night for my and hubby and I was looking forward to (comfortably) wearing my new size 14 AE jeans. While I was getting around for the evening, I took a test and set it on the sink to wait the allotted 5 minutes while I continued to get ready. A few minutes later, I glance at the test... 


WHAT?! That can't be right... but it was. 

Of course, we were elated and I quickly adapted into pregnant mode. 

I quit Weight Watchers.
My nightly gym sessions were traded in for nightly naps. 

And I was SICK. 

The morning sickness was ridiculous. It was every day, seemingly all day. And went I wasn't yacking, my tummy was queasy. No cravings for me. Nothing sounded good. I lost more weight. 

And slept. 

I was EXHAUSTED all the time. 

But my doctor said things were good when she did a 7 week ultra sound. At our 11 week appointment she did not do an ultra sound check, but said the baby's heart was strong and we were "in the clear" meaning our chances of having a miscarriage dropped dramatically at 12 weeks. 

At the end of April 2012, 4 lbs lighter than when I got pregnant, I went in for my 4 month check up. I was 15 weeks pregnant. My husband did not come with me because it was just a routine check. There wouldn't be a need for an ultra sound... 

She couldn't find the heartbeat. 

I couldn't breathe. I was nervous. Anxious. Uncertain. Scared. I tried to concentrate on her words, "The baby's probably just hiding. Let's get you over to the other room for an ultra sound. At least you'll get to see your little peanut today." 

As I wait in the cold, sterile room where the U/S machine is, I had an overwhelming feeling of dread. Something wasn't right. This entire pregnancy didn't seem quite right. The last few weeks I actually had felt like something was very wrong. 

The doctor confirmed my fears. 

The ultrasound showed a little fetus with no heartbeat. 

We came to find out it was a "partial molar" pregnancy. Basically, a genetic abnormality where the baby had inherited an extra set of chromosomes. He or she didn't have a chance from day one. 

Micah & I on his 1st Birthday
On May 6th we celebrated Micah's first birthday. We were determined to focus on the blessings in our lives. Our children. Our families. Our jobs. Our health. We would get up every day and put one foot in front of the other and trust that there is a reason for everything in this life. 

One week after Micah's first birthday, I made the decision that I would go back to the gym. It was mid-May and I had lost 16 pounds since January, leaving me weighing in at 176 lbs - 4 lbs lighter than I was on my wedding day. 

I made up my mind.

Despite my grief.

I would keep on running... 

Stay tuned for My Running and Weight Loss Journey Part III.. 


Post a Comment