Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Infertility sucks!

Infertility sucks! Women spend their whole lives trying NOT to get pregnant, and then when the time comes, and everything is right in your life, you can’t get pregnant! My husband and I are struggling with secondary infertility, which means you were able to get pregnant in the past, but now are unable to conceive.

Ever since I decided to spend the rest of my life with John, I have been excited to have a child with him. During our thirteen month engagement, I dreamed of the day when we would be able to start trying for a child of our own. I had it all planned out – we would get pregnant right away and then I would have the baby around the end of May or beginning of June so that I could be home with the boys, and the new baby, over the warm summer months.

Well, May has past and June is here and I don’t have so much as a baby bump to show for it! After almost six months of trying without success, I sought out help from my OBGYN, who figured out that I have a condition called PCOS, or Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. This condition is when the female body makes too much of the male hormones and it prevents ovulation.

The first line of treatment is taking a drug called Metformin to help with my PCOS symptoms and then add a drug called Clomid to help me ovulate. Clomid is the most commonly used fertility medicine, but you can’t start it until the third day of your menstrual cycle. The problem being, if you don’t ovulate then you don’t have periods – hello! So, in order to get my cycle going, I take another drug called Provera, which is basically pure progesterone hormone.

One would think that being all hyped up on hormones and having terrible mood swings all the time would be the worst thing that could happened for someone struggling with infertility. They would be wrong. The worst thing ever is getting that phone call from the doctor’s office to let you know that the drugs that have been making you rant and rave like a mad woman (all in an effort to get pregnant) did not work, again.

This was our (and by our, I mean my) second round of Clomid. This month I thought I was mentally prepared. I thought I could handle it if the nurse called to say, “Your progesterone level was a two.” (2 is BAD – needs to be over 5).

Over the last month I have buried myself in blogging and writing – leaving very little time to focus on what was previously an obsession – getting pregnant. Yet, somehow, in the back of my mind, I thought that because I was so busy, rarely thinking about my obsession, that this month would be the month.

That is why it totally caught me off-guard when the news came today. “Your progesterone level is a two.” BOOM! Heart sinks. Feels like I’ve been punched in the stomach. Can’t breathe. Promptly burst into tears. At work. Yep. Infertility sucks!


Kat said...

aw I am soooo sorry to hear this! But what a candid blog post! I hope the next round does you well.

Anne/Julie said...

I'm so sorry. I got pregnant through IVF and know what an unbelievable roller coaster TTC can be. I'm crossing my fingers for a BFP in the next few months!


New Breed Mama said...

Thanks ladies! Appreciate the support. This is a hard topic for me to write on, but hopefully it will help others struggling with the same thing. :)

Sandra said...

Ironically I got into blogging due to infertility. 15 iuis, 6 IVFs, much heartache and time...two children from Russia home with us for 5 1/2 years.

IVFConnections is a fantastic forum.

And i could list 5 bloggers who started out as infertility bloggers and now are life bloggers...a particular favorite is soclose (tertia.org)...

Angela Thompson said...

I'm so sorry!!! I understand your desire to be a mother--as a re-married mother of one. Ironically, I was told 16 years ago that I would never have children due to endometriosis and a failure to ovulate....3 children later, I can say that sometimes the experts cannot predict the future! Don't give up hope--and make sure that John understands those God-Awful-Who-the Heck is this Woman-mood swings because they do happen and they will happen!!!! You are in a great city to find treatment and reach your goals--don't give up hope--but, and I don't think there is a 1% risk of this, don't give up on the rest of your wonderful life either in pursuit of a baby bump because it may come when you least expect it!!

New Breed Mama said...

Sandra - thanks for sharing your experience and I am so happy to hear you finally have your babies!

Angela - That was just the kind of successful story I needed to hear! Actually just talked to Dr and they're scheduling me to see a RE so maybe that will help.

Saying positive! :)

Anonymous said...

My sister has been going through the same thing. She said journaling has helped her a lot. Good luck to you. Don't loose hope.

Annie | http://stankevychobgyn.net/Obstetrics-/

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